Ponder On This...

 I want to blame God for everything. It feels easy. It gives a reason for the inexplicable. My life has always seemed to be revolved around a series of inexplicable, unfortunate events. It feels easy to want to blame God for the death of my father and for having the boy father that he was. It feels easy to blame God for not having enough money to support my mother and I. It feels easy to blame God for the reason why we haven't had a place to call our own. It feels easy to blame God for the kind of life I've had thus far.  It feels easy to blame God for the reason why I haven't made any money off of my e-book. It feels easy to blame, God for the fact that even though I am working 40hrs a week, financially it's still not enough. "If God loves me and see's my circumstances then why doesn't he help?" If he can claim that true religion is helping the fatherless and widower then why hasn't he sent anyone to help us?  My fear wants to blame God. My sense

I've been wanting to write something for a while now but nothing I had to say felt meaningful. Nothing I had to say felt impactful during those times in which I wanted to write and share with you all. However at last I feel as though I have something worth sharing.  I've come to the realization that there are a lot people out there who are so self aware within their family unit that when relatives who have unintentionally caused trauma to this self aware person in the family, that at some point, he/she will get so pushed to the edge ( Mentally and emotionally) by these relatives; the only thought in their mind is the idea of their relatives being deceased. Moreover he/she can also at times have thoughts about themselves being deceased because he/she have reached the capacity on how much negativity one can tolerate from a toxic and dysfunctional family unit.  I'm not sure why there hasn't been enough conversations about toxic family units in which where emotional and men

 Love yourself through your mistakes. Whether those mistakes are intentional or unintentional. We live in a world where some people will condemn you for the same mistakes that they have made. Show yourself the same mercy and grace that you would show the next person. Comfort yourself the way you would others. Have your own back. Show up for yourself. Have in mind that you deserve the love, that you give to others. Stop putting yourself last. Stop being the last person who reaps the benefits of your own growth. You keep trying to show others just how good you are for them only to realize that you will never be enough. Be good for you. Be enough for you.  Darling, it's time that you give yourself the gift that you've been trying to give to others. What is that? I'm glad you ask. It's the you that you've been trying to give to others. How about that?  Hey you, may you live yourself to yourself. 

 Many of us have lived long enough now to know that at times you can be dealt with life's toughest circumstances. Nothing can prepare you for what you didn't know. Nothing can prepare you for what you now know you should have had. Nothing prepares you for what you didn't see coming. Often times what we didn't know or was unable to foresee can burden us. We can't help but ask questions that begin with " What if..." or "Why did..." in hope that on the other side of those questions is a ready made answer for our toughest battles. Often times hopelessness, disappointment, depression and loneliness rear their ugly heads in the mist of our sufferings and we buckle in their presence. If you're like me nothing has gone your way. Your life has not been perfect. You've had a lot to overcome. You've survived the betrayal, you've survived the broken friendships, you've survived the suicide, you've survived the lack of support you thou

 There's a trauma that comes with being emotionally neglected as a child. When you become an adult it seems as if the only person really living is the traumatized version of yourself who refuses to disappear. No matter how I think about it, the feeling of being neglected is not an easy feeling to part from once one becomes aware of how crippling it actually is. For instance, I have this terrible fear of rejection and I've had it for years and it wasn't until today that I realized that my fear of rejection stemmed from me often feeling emotionally neglected. Neglect has made me tremble at the sight of rejection. This thief named neglect has made me make stupid decisions that should have never been made. Neglect stole my ability to make healthy decisions, it stole my ability to be courageous, joyful, content.  It has become this monstrous beast who seems to follow me in my every day life. My hope is that one day I'll have conquered this beast. That I'll have see this

 I have no desire to be famous. I have no desire to be globally known. All I want is a career that will allow me to contribute to society in such an impactful way and create a lasting legacy for the generations that will come from me and after me. I have often imagined myself as being someone who would be stupendously wealthy, behind closed doors, where eyes will never see and minds will never know.  From a distance I have seen what fame can look like. I have seen how fame can shake up a life without permission. I have seen how fame can cause non famous people to feel entitled due to the extreme exposure of the one who is famed. Fame...I don't want it.  Fame to me can often seem like an assassin. You never see it coming.  You want to know what it is that I do desire?. Success. I want to be successful. I believe that there is a difference between success and fame. I feel like when it comes to success, it can be done in silence. I've realized that a lot of people who are successf