Wanting to be Acknowledged. Affirmed. Accepted.

Acknowledge : recognize the fact or importance or quality of

Affirm : offer (someone) emotional support or encouragement.

Accept : regard favorably or with approval; welcome. 

 

As of lately I have been struggling with the need to be acknowledged, affirmed and accepted. It has been one of those inner things I've struggled with since my father passed way. To give context my father passed away when I was eight years old, yet I have the clearest memory of me sitting on his lap one evening and him telling me that I was beautiful. Maybe back then I didn't know it but I know now that in that one moment that it was the most, acknowledged, most affirmed and most accepted that I had ever felt in my life. 

What I also didn't know realize in that moment of being my eight year old self was that I was learning that men acknowledged, affirmed and accepted women because my father made me feel as such. When he passed, I think that as I've gotten older I've been subconsciously searching for that acknowledgement, affirmation and acceptance. specifically from men. To be quite honest, it's been brutal. It's been heartbreaking and it's been bitter. 

I can't help but wonder what have other's have done to over come this issue. I can't help but wonder, for someone else, what was the root of this issue for them?. 

One thing that I'm slowly but surely learning is that being acknowledged, affirmed and accepted by the opposite sex can be nice but it's not required. I'm still living. I'm still breathing with or without it.
I never thought that in a million years that the most impactful thing that I could ever experience as a young girl was a male figure showing me that I deserved to be acknowledged, affirmed and accepted. 

When my father passed, that part of me that innocently desired to be acknowledged, affirmed and accepted in the eyes of a male figure. I didn't know that it was a part of me showing me that it was how I felt the most loved. It was a love language, that captured my eight year old heart and it never left. 

So what now?...

Well, now I have to find a healthy and fulfilling way that will quench my need to be acknowledged, affirmed and accepted. It has to be something that will bring healing and wholeness to that part of me. I'm sure that it won't be easy but I'm willing to be intentional. 

I'm hopeful about God helping me to work through this. 

Grace and Peace.  

I don't know who needs to read this but...

I get that your struggle with porn is due to a void you have.

I get that you struggle with depression, suicidal thoughts and feelings of rejection from others.

I get that it often feels like your relationship with God often feels like it's slowly dissipating. 

I get that you don't often feel "Christian" nor fit into this worlds imagery of it. 

I get that you are a deep lover who often feels like your love is never reciprocated. 

I get that you're level of self- awareness often feels more like a curse than a blessing. 

I get that all you want is someone who will be loyal and committed to you because you often are to others. 

I get that it get exhausting always having to be the one who has be the one who has to crucify themselves just so you can extend grace and forgiveness to others who wouldn't dare do so for you.

I get that you often feel over looked especially when you feel so gifted that you end up not being able to see you, because they don't. 

I get that you often feel like you are alone.

I get that you often feel like the only one. 

Me to.