No more broken friendships

Have you ever wondered if you have been careless about choosing your friends? I've come to the realization lately that bad friends aren't always bad people. Bad friends can be good people who are nice but are incapable of being committed to you.

When you think about the friends you've lost over the years, I'm sure a lot of them weren't awful people. Some friendships drifted and you can't help but wonder why was it even possible to end? These are friends we laughed with, cried with, told secrets to. Friends who comforted us, made us laugh, friends who some us never even argued with. Why did it take a sour turn? I'm sure the reason is different for everyone but I'm beginning to think that most friendships that end with friends who were nice was not because of their person hood but because of unmet expectations.

When we create friendships with others most of us if you're anything like me tend to just go with the flow. We "connect" because the person we are attempting to befriend share a lot of what we like and dislike and assume it's a good enough reason to call this person friend to establish the foundations of a friendship. You would think that the outings and the dope conversations were enough to prove the authenticity of a friend. But one day you realize it all meant nothing because in the moment when you thought that they would be a sure foundation, you find a crack that turns into in an earthquake. Subsequently when the quake ends, so does everything you thought you knew about your friendship with this person. 

When attempting to establish a friendship with someone why don't we ask questions like "Why do you want to be friends with me?".  "What are your intentions?".  It dawned on me lately that with every friendship that I have had I never took the time to ask the questions that would help me to discern if this person would be a good fit for me spiritually. One of the biggest mistakes I've made in choosing friends in the past was always choosing friends for selfish and shallow and basic reasons. I now realize I only got friends that became a reflection of who I directly was. That was my wake up call.

Deep down I wanted friends who would keep me spiritually accountable. Friends who cared about living a healthy spiritual life. Friends who could pray for me, friends who I could talk about scripture with and dissect and question them about it. Wanting such friends wasn't the problem.The problem was that I was not what I wanted. I also realized that I was having the same issue in my love life. I realized that the way I chose my friends was the way I was choosing a potential mate. I was beginning to see the cycle. I don't think a lot of us realize that how we choose our friends can also be a direct reflection of how some us choose our mates.

So in 2019 I decided that I am going to break the cycle. I decided that I was done forming friendships based on what we had in common and start choosing friendships that would be good for my spirit. In the area of friendship I realized that I was never honest with myself when it came to that. I needed friends who I could be spiritual with as well but I'll start with me first.  

Interracial interest

Two years ago I was introduced to Korean dramas and have been addicted ever since. While binge watching Korean dramas my life away I found myself in deep like with some of the Korean male actors. It kind of surprised me. It surprised me because I had never really found men who were of asian decent such as Japanese or Chinese attractive so to have been introduced to Korean dramas and see really handsome Korean men on screen was astonishing.

Finding myself attracted to good-looking Korean men caused me to think a lot about whether or not if I would really enter into a relationship with someone who is foreign to me. Would I still consider a Korean man foreign if I knew him better? 

Growing up, I lived mostly amongst African-Americans, Haitian-Americans, Caucasians, Cape Verdean's, Puerto Ricans and Dominicans. The idea of dating men from those mentioned cultural groups to me is a non issue for me because I'm familiar with them but I am not familiar with Korean men or women. I do not recall ever having Korean friends nor seeing Korean people throughout out my academic career which I find it pretty darn interesting when I think about it.

Even in Hollywood, you don't see a lot of Korean Actors and actresses. You mostly see African Americans, Caucasians and Hispanics. The only known Korean Actors who are well acknowledged in American television that I am familiar with is Sandra oh and Ken Jeong, other than that you don't hear too much about Koreans. Also when it comes to Korean artist you don't hear too much about them. The only Korean artist that I have ever really seen formally acknowledged on American television is the group BTS (they're pretty amazing!)

I"m pretty grateful about the fact that I was introduced to Korean drama's and introduced to the Korean culture. I would love to see more Korean people in Hollywood and to see more interracial relationships involving Korean men and women.

If the opportunity ever came up, I think I would date a Korean man for two reasons. One reason is because from what I can grasp of Korean men thus far is that they seem more comfortable in their man hood. They don't seem like the type of men who are caught up in the idea of what it looks like to be manly. They just are and I love that. Secondly Korean men seem like such gentle men and I don't know if it's because that's how they are portrayed in the drama but they just seem very laid back and in nature and are always making sure that they mind their manners.

To sum up, I have expressed such thoughts in hopes that it might spark an interest or curiousity in you to look into another culture that you are unfamiliar. After being introduced to Korean culture I would love nothing more than to spend a year of my life living in Korea. The more aware we are of other cultures I believe the more we can fight against racism and prejudice.

Diversity is about all of us, and about us having to figure out how to walk through this world together. 

Jacqueline Woodson