The crazy thing about all the worrying I was doing, I had ended up deceiving myself into thinking that I was controlling what I wanted to happen and was controlling what I didn't want to happen. I had taken on the burden of problems that were clearly out of my control. I had this false idea in my head that I was in control and I wasn't. I kept believing that I was in control of my own burden, a load. Typically a heavy one according to google dictionary. In reality I had no control over my burden, it was instead controlling me.
I had spent so much of last night feeling completely burdened until I finally decided that I did not want that for me anymore. I sat up in bed and crossed my legs Indian style, looked up the only instrumental album I had of Bethel music and put on my headphones and meditated. While meditating, I faced the truth about my worries. I faced the gang it created with fear doubt and control who wanted to take me down. But last night, I won. Last night I got the victory. It won't be the last.
